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millenniumtheater
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Sometimes I feel as if the phases of my life are repeated themselves. And I don't mean memories. I understand that most peope are somehow affected by the changing of the seaons, certain smells and sounds, and atmospheric quality. But is it a common irritation to see your life turn over and over around the same point? It could be one small thing of the present that would lock with somethig in the past. A painitng recognized as one done similarly years ago. And maybe fears and dreams, relationships, grudges, and moods could be dug up from that intercepted time of the past and you find yourself staring into something of a mirror.
Times change, but situations never seem to. Knowledge is hoarded but the steps to doing it are permanent. There are always the same sort of mistakes to be made. You'd think you would learn.
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| Hello. I am back, but somehow sick again. Parents pissed as hell about my grades (4.2 GPA goddammit). I hate how when they get mad, they have to go and find something bad to say about everything and anything they can think of.
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Nothing to write. Pictures here if you want to see.
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| Just to let people know, I'm leaving for China Thursday morning. Won't be back for two weeks. Can stand to not see the psycho half of the family--can't wait to take pictures. And sleep. I'll be sleeping on the plane. I think I remember sleep... distantly.
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| I tend to go through life in a daze. Sometimes there would be passion--excitement for things like paint and developing film, anticipation for ideas to be marked down on paper, into prose, onto the canvas. But then, there are moments when I find myself sitting in front of the computer staring at a document, completely at loss of what to do. Sometimes I'll stare at that same document for weeks. Generally I'd feel a bit of guilt, knowing that time will survive whether or not I choose to ever step up and take on that fight with mortality that was started the moment I decided I wanted my name to be put down in stone. But most other times I'll just end up forgiving myself.
And then... there are days like today when I will come to my right mind. I will realize just how much time I've wasted, that it doesn't matter at all how much my life is worth if the name is given up.
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